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All the single ladies

Yesterday I got asked the one question that I dread above all others:

"So, Caroline, have you got any plans to get married?"

There is no good answer to this question. In fact, it is a no win question.

If you answer in the affirmative, you are inviting further questions on when, who and how (my suggested answer: 18 months, the nice young man at Starbucks who flirts with me every morning, and a combination of Rohypnol and benevolent imprisonment).

If you answer in the negative, then you are inviting pity because obviously, being a single woman, fast-approaching 35 and in possesssion of a not-insignificant income I must be in want of a husband.

For the benefit of all the other single ladies out there, I hereby offer the following answers that may be of assistance in shutting down the conversation once such a question is raised:

1. No and if you listen really carefully, you can hear my ovaries withering in frustration.

2. No, but I am planning a civil partnership next summer with a lovely woman called Sybill who I met at a singles night in the local bar.

3. No. After the police failed to find the body of my last fiance, I figured I should stay away from men for a bit until the voices tell me it's time to date again.

4. Yes, but I've told him all about you and he hates you so much he doesn't want an introduction.

5. Yes, but he's spending the month with his other wife and her pet goat, Clarence.

6. Yes. I ordered him from Russia over the internet and he's arriving in the New Year on a sale or return basis.

In other news, I went to the last T-Party meeting of 2009 yesterday and did have a good time. I then spent the evening with uC and mR watching Russell Howard's Good News, which made me laugh so hard that I came close to an asthma attack.

I've finished my Christmas shopping for my dad and sister, which is good. I still have to decide what to get my mum and a couple of friends, which is bad.

I did think that I'd hit on the perfect present for my mum, only to casually raise it in conversation this morning and discover that she would rather have her toe nails pulled out with rusty tweezers than do it.

So I'm re-thinking.

Have I mentioned that I hate Christmas?

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Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
uninvitedcat
Dec. 6th, 2009 05:32 pm (UTC)
Was there any sign of a hangover this morning, or were you OK? ::is curious::

And I've just realised I've absolutely NO Idea what to get my dad or my stepmum....
ruxi
Dec. 6th, 2009 07:04 pm (UTC)
...perfectly applicable answers to that question. I approve. (And being 22, I've apparently already entered the stage where that question is ~*~ timely ~*~ as far as half my family sees. -_- v )
dozydormouse
Dec. 6th, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)
The five us currently in Florida (all single bar one shrieked with laughter over this. Thank you.
deralte
Dec. 6th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
Someday, I'll get asked the marriage question by someone who's married and I'll answer, "I don't know. When are you planning to get a divorce?" After all, what marriage would be complete without it?

I like your 1 and 4 the best. Will have to remember them for my own conversations (though not for my grandmother cause then I'd have to explain what ovaries are).
thunderemerald
Dec. 6th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
That list makes me <3 you even more.
magic_at_mungos
Dec. 6th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
I do like the last one.
writerjenn
Dec. 6th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
"I thought perhaps I was married already. Hm, let me check and get back to you."
carolanne5
Dec. 8th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
I'm memorising 3 and 6 for the next time I'm asked.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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hooton
Caroline Hooton

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