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The Olympics have 2 new, crappy mascots

This is slightly very unimaginative post content as it's cut and paste of a comment I made to a locked post of the multi-talented ginasketch but I feel so strongly about it that I'll repost it here.

It all stems from the fact that yesterday the Olympic Delivery Committee unveiled the mascots for the 2012 Olympic Games in London.

And they're awful.

Really awful.

Despite the fact that Michael Morpurgo did a backstory for them, they've got less charisma than the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper.

So the more I was looking at them and feeling the horror, the more I found myself imagining the concept meetings for them. The following was the result:

Suit 1: Okay guys, so we need to come up with a mascot for the games. It needs to be something we can sell, because now that the Coalition is refusing to ring-fence our budget, we're going to have to try and raise some cash somehow and because kids are suckers for this crap, it needs to be child friendly. Any ideas?

Suit 2: Hmmm ... what we really need is a focus group.

Suit 1: Good idea.

Focus Group: We don't know what we want. But something that ties in with the stadium would be kinda cool. Possibly. Maybe. Oooh, shiny!

Suit 1: Right. So that's something connected with the stadium and shiny. Think. Think. What do kids like that are shiny?

Suit 2: Ooh - I know. Metal. Kids love metal!

Suit 1: Okay. Maybe a robot of some kind.

Suit 2: Yes, but a cool robot. A robot that doesn't look like a robot. A robot that kids will want to cuddle.

Suit 1: So a smooth robot then.

Suit 2: Smoother than an Isaac Hayes score to a superfly movie track.

Suit 1: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't speak jive. Okay, so we've established that kids like cuddly metal. What else do they want?

Suit 2: Things with only one eye? Like pirates?

Suit 1: Good idea. So we've got a smooth, cuddly one-eyed robot.

Suit 2: Let's make it 2 robots. Then they can choose between the shiny smoothness.

Suit 1: Yes - more toys means more money. Well done. Let's go to product development.

:product development takes place:

Product Developer: These are the 2 designs we've come up with.

Suit 1: What the shit is this?

Product Developer: Cuddly, smooth, one-eyed robots, just like the brief.

Suit 1: This is a disaster! They're hideous! No kid will want to schnoogle these.

Suit 2: They will if we give them a backstory.

Suit 1: What kind of backstory?

Suit 2: A cosy backstory. We'll get that bloke in who wrote the book that became the play of horses being killed in World War I. Kids love horses being blown up in World War I.

Suit 1: I'm beginning to think that you're deliberately sabotage this. Were you part of the Paris bid?

Suit 2: Non. :Gallic shrug:

Suit 1: Hmm. Okay. We'll get the horse killer in. And if that doesn't work, just put Lord Coe in front of the cameras with some nice ethnic children and tell him to smile until his face falls off.

Fin.

In other news, I managed to make a SCBWI Professional Series event this evening - multi-award winning Sophie McKenzie talking about writing YA fiction. Really good talk from a really cool speaker and it's given me a lot to think about.

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Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
momentsmusicaux
May. 20th, 2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
I just saw those for the first time on (insert satirical news site here). I really thought they were a spoof. As if the logo wasn't bad enough!
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
captainsblog
May. 20th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC)
What, Blowjob Lisa Simpson got sacked?

hooton
May. 21st, 2010 09:30 am (UTC)
Not at all. We're just taking Teh Suck in a whole new direction ...
captainsblog
May. 21st, 2010 10:14 am (UTC)
Your original post got metaquoted almost the instant I opened your comment reply.

That, upon opening ITS comments, led to this fine new userpic gacked from one of the commenters there.

"Lisa? Stop that!"
"Sorry, Dad, I thought you said no SAX until I finished all my homework!"
siddhabenjamin
May. 21st, 2010 09:56 am (UTC)
It doesn't get more condemning that "they've got less charisma than the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper." Made me laugh out loud. You're very funny Caroline.

And, OMG, you were at the professional series last night... I didn't realise otherwise I'd have said hello! Sophie McKensie was great. I can't believe they've got David Fickling joining the fun next time!
ashfae
May. 21st, 2010 12:15 pm (UTC)
I thought they were a spoof the first time I saw them too. More hideous than I can contemplate.

Continuing the Simpsons theme, one person pointed out their resemblance to the Simpsons aliens. Another disguise and plot to take over the world, no doubt...

An American friend has also pointed out that they're "one-eyed monsters" and wonders if the same slang exists in the UK and the US.

I'll just cringe.

My dad once said I should make a living as an MS Word Paperclip Assassin, because I knew how to get rid of the damn thing permanently, a service I performed for numerous friends and acquaintances. Die, paperclip!!
ginasketch
May. 21st, 2010 12:24 pm (UTC)
Yes. I thought of Kang and Kodos too.


casfic
May. 21st, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
If I could bring myself to care about the olympics (except for the obscene amount of money they're costing of course,) I'd think they were pretty hideous, But since it's all just a cynical way of getting people to spend more money does it really matter?
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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Caroline Hooton

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